Sex After 60

MEETING
Meeting: To make the acquaintance of someone for the first time

Two Delicious Cappuccino

If you’re single and over sixty and still looking for the company of the opposite sex you obviously need to put yourselves out there. You also need to decide where you are likely to meet new ‘suitable’ potential casual or permanent partners.

If you’re married and over sixty and your marriage is solid, you still need to be aware that at this stage of our lives we can lose our partners at any time to illness. This could mean you may find yourself joining the ranks of the singles in the not too distant future.

* *

Jane was 67, divorced and had chosen to try and meet a potential partner from the internet as she lived in a remote area. She’d had a few unfortunate situations with men she’d met on the internet, but she was still optimistic she could meet someone suitable.

Jane was still sexually active and loved intimacy. But she was only attracted to men when the chemistry was right.

She had recently been involved with a man in his late sixties who had many problems with his bits. This made things difficult, as he was unable to accept the decline of his virility. Not that this stopped him being involved with a collection of other women. She discovered that he was on four internet dating sites and still tomcatting around everywhere while involved with her.

Having been approached by many younger men she decided to meet up with 44-year-old Chris. For months he’d been viewing her profile several times a week. He lived in Sydney. She was going to the theatre in Sydney with her friend Robyn, so she decided to make arrangements to meet him for coffee in the afternoon before going onto the theatre.

She had loved talking to him during their phone conversations and he was extremely good looking. She thought from his photograph he could have been from the Middle East. She was really looking forward to meeting him and felt very excited as she was driving towards the café in Glebe.

He was waiting outside the café for her when she arrived. He looked amazing. He was very tall and very muscular. He greeted her and kissed her directly on the mouth whilst at the same time putting his arms around her.
She could feel herself swooning. Keep it together, she told herself. He’s only 44 and at this stage she was definitely only having coffee.

He had an amazing accent and spoke very politely.

She said to him. ‘I was amazed at how many times you viewed my profile.’

He said. ‘I am too. I wanted to look at you. I didn’t think we’d ever meet.’

‘Well here we are.’ Jane felt lost for words. Which was unusual for her.

‘Why do you like younger men?’ he asked, looking straight into her eyes.

‘I’m not sure I do. Although I’m probably the same age as your mother. You intrigued me, always appearing on my computer screen,’ she said feeling happy that she’d managed to respond to his question with only a slight hesitation.

He said, ‘I like older women. They’re so confident and sure of themselves.’

Jane thought. Yes and established and financially independent as well.

Things were racing through her mind. Could she have a fling with him? He was so fit. How on earth would she feel comfortable flinging her aging body around the bedroom with him?

‘I’m really looking for a romantic relationship, not just casual sex.’ She explained pleased that she’d remember to say this.

‘I’m happy to be in a relationship if that’s what you want,’ he said casually.

She asked, ‘What do you want?’

‘I want great sex. If I need to be in a relationship to get it, that’s okay.’

Did she want great sex? She wanted a romantic, warm, caring relationship that included sex. At 67, she couldn’t imagine having four-five hour sessions in bed like she used to do when she was his age.

She decided she would have to give this one a lot of thought.

* * *

Meeting the opposite sex has changed dramatically for many of us. In the past we mostly met through family and friends, or at work, or at parties held by friends. The people we met were mostly known to someone we knew. By someone knowing them at least we could get some background information on them before considering taking things further.

And prospects had landlines, which meant we would also have some idea of where they lived. And one of the most important things, as we met them face-to-face is that we knew what they looked like. With the internet you have no idea if the photographs they have on their profiles is even them!

Today people over sixty have seen a lot of life and some can carry enormous amounts of baggage. It would also seem that the older male is very often not as financially independent as the older female. Many older males are also heavy drinkers; this can take its toll on their virility as well as their health.

If venturing onto the internet one must expect to run into the dishonest and perhaps those looking for a soft landing. This for many can be soul destroying especially if you haven’t dated for 30-40 years.

I’d suggest that when you first venture out into the land of meeting a member of the opposite sex if at all possible you should avoid using the internet. xxx CaroleL

* * * 

Carole Lethbridge is the author of “Online Dating After Sixty: One woman’s journey of love, lust and losers”. She has been both married and single over the last few decades and she has done her own research, gathering extensive data on relationships between females and males, drawing on both for her book and column. Online Dating After Sixty is available for purchase for $21.50 via Booktopia.

online_dating_front_cover

* * *

Chemistry
chemistry |ˈkɛmɪstri|noun ( pl. chemistries ) [ mass noun ] the complex emotional or psychological interaction between people: their affair was triggered by intense sexual chemistry.
This week’s story is about Jane a 66 year old, divorced woman who thought she had met the man of her dreams on an internet dating site. She had only been on the internet dating site four days when Matthew came into her life.

Holding hands 1

Jane was feeling very apprehensive before meeting 68 year old, Matthew. She had arranged to meet him at 10.30 on a Thursday morning, in a café not far from where she lived.

She had a feeling while she was getting ready that morning that meeting Matthew would definitely turn out to be a significant event in her life.

On his dating profile it stated he was a divorced, retired university professor, who was relocating from interstate. He didn’t have a photograph on his profile, but all the same Jane liked what he said about himself.

Several days after their initial telephone contact he told her he would send through his photograph. Jane then agreed to send him her photograph.

When his photograph appeared on her computer screen that Tuesday afternoon she thought she was going to pass out. Jane loved the way he looked. He looked all of his 68 years, very weathered with loads of character lines. A stubble beard, loads of hair, (on his head!) and the most amazing eyes behind very stylish tinted glasses.

They spoke several times over that first week. He wanted to meet straight away but she felt she needed time to prepare herself. Jane hadn’t been involved seriously with many men for the last five years, as she’d been recovering from a serious illness.

Naturally she wanted to look her best. She went off to the hairdressers for a colour job, and also to the beautician to have the eyebrows and eyelashes touched up.

As she walked towards the café door on that blustery August day Jane already knew she was going to fall for him.

The café door was closed due to the strong winds that day. As she opened the door she saw him immediately. He was sitting to the left with a vacant chair opposite him. A bunch of flowers were on the table, in front of the vacant chair.

As soon as he saw her he stood up and said, ‘At last.’

Jane couldn’t speak he had taken her breath right away.

So, as a warm greeting, she kissed him on both cheeks, as was her habit. He leant into her and put his hands on her arms. Jane’s legs almost went from under her and he helped her sit down.

“The flowers are lovely. So old fashioned.” She said.

“I’m an old fashioned guy.” Matthew said.

The following Tuesday he was in Jane’s bed and she was totally besotted.

Matthew took it all very slowly that first time. He spent hours kissing every part of her face, her arms and her breasts, before he ventured further. He explained to her that things took a bit of time to work down there now. He said that he was at his best after a rest usually around 3am.

Jane told him, she was more than happy to wait.

They both dozed off.

…Chemistry can be an amazing experience between two people, and so very rare for many of us to encounter now we are over sixty.

For me chemistry is still the most important element when I first meet a man. Unfortunately it has brought me down many times as chemistry has a habit of clouding other issues that should be taken into account before getting too deeply involved.
Issues such as:
 Is he/she really being honest? 
Is he/she really unattached?
   Is he/she really reliable?
 Is he/she really financially independent? 
Is he/she really serious or a player looking for no-strings sex?

Still, as always I’m forever the optimist. xxx CaroleL

Is chemistry what you have or is it what is missing from your life? 

Carole Lethbridge – Author Online Dating After Sixty: One woman’s journey of love, lust and losers onlinedatingaftersixty.com.au Available as a PaperBook and eBook

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The seven dating sins of Seniors

SAS COLUMN 3

My research discovered that the sins between the sexes are quite different for females and males. For this column I’m listing the dating sins separately 

The dating sins relate mainly to those without a partner. But it should be noted by the marrieds that divorce or even death can creep up on any of us at any time, sending us reeling into the world of being alone. So these dating hints may relate to us all at some time. 

7 DATING SINS OF SINGLE FEMALE SENIORS

  1. DON’T ACT DESPERATE EVEN IF YOU ARE.  For goodness sake try and play it cool. Don’t act like a fool as soon as you get your hands on a single suitable man. I know a woman who’s like a vulture when single men are around. She wears bright red clothes with red shoes hoping no one will miss seeing her. I’ve even heard of women who watch the death notices ready to pounce on a man as soon as the wife is gone.
  2. DON’T START PLANNING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AFTER THE FIRST DATE. Women want to know exactly what is happening and usually want to include the new man in everything they’re doing. Go slow and try and hold yourself back and let it take its natural course.
  3. DON’T ALWAYS BELIEVE HIM – CHECK HIM OUT.  It may only be a low percentage of men who misrepresent themselves but don’t take any chances. If you don’t know his background do a bit of detective work. Try to get a landline in addition to his mobile and even take down his car registration number as a safe guard.
  4. DON’T INTRODUCE HIM AROUND WHEN YOU FIRST MEET HIM. If you do and he disappears after a few weeks it’s embarrassing to have to explain what happened.
  5. DON’T BE TOO DEMANDING. For the first few months don’t expect him to change his life and fit in with what you want to do. Remain plugged into your friends and everything you did before he appeared.
  6. DON’T TRY AND CHANGE HIM. This is an important one. If he is a golfer and plays regularly accept it or try and take an interest in golf your self. If he dressers like a slob just let him, but don’t take him with you to places where it could be a problem. If he is bright he will get the hint. If he is a heavy drinker tell him you find him much more attractive when he’s not drunk. If he wants to veg out on the sofa and spend half his life in front of television and you can’t accept it, maybe he’s not for you.
  7. DON’T HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH HIM – MEN WANDERUnless you know his background please, please, please don’t trust him. The incidence of seniors with sexually transmitted diseases is at an all time high.

I went out with a dentist a few years ago who use to say, ‘Don’t just worry about having unprotected sex with them worry about kissing them as well’.  Senior men are heavily into oral sex due to the erection problems that can come with age.

7 DATING SINS OF SINGLE MALE SENIORS

  1. DON’T COME ON TOO STRONG ABOUT SEX.  Senior men are notorious for wanting to discuss if a senior woman is still sexually active. We realise you don’t want to waste time with a woman who is not going to put out.  But women find this extremely offensive so try not to discuss it with her. You can try and work it out other ways such as touching her to gauge a response. If you’re brave enough to kiss her on the first date you should know by her reaction if she will be receptive to more intimacy!
  2. DON’T KEEP TALKING ABOUT YOUR EX’s.  Men just can’t usually help themselves and go on and on about their ex wives and girlfriends. Many guys talk about totally inappropriate stuff, which makes women wonder what they may be saying about them one day.
  3. DON’T DISCLOSE TOO MUCH. WOMEN HAVE LONG MEMORIES.  You say something as a throw away comment and a woman will remember it for twenty years. So just make sure if you are telling untruths that you remember otherwise you will be caught out big time.
  4. DON’T FLIRT WITH OTHER WOMEN. Never ever flirt with other women at least when you’re on a date. It would be good if you don’t do it later either because sooner or later it will be flung in your face. You’ll be accused of all sorts of stuff.
  5. DON’T BE UNRELIABLE. You will get a huge amount of brownie points if you’re reliable from the start. Do what you say you are going to do, be where you say you are and be on time. Don’t just do it for the first few weeks and then forget about it.
  6. DON’T TAKE HER FOR GRANTED. Never just assume she’s going to be available. Always give her the respect that you would like yourself. Don’t call her at 4.30pm and say would you like to go out for dinner tonight. She’ll think she was an after thought or you’ve had a cancellation.
  7. DON’T IGNORE HER NEEDSThis is a big one. Because first you have to work out what her needs are. Her needs may be simple like changing a light globe for her. Or more complex, like telling her how much she means to you – this stuff is more challenging.

Dating at our age is complex as we all have so much baggage, some good and some bad. Even the good baggage can create issues because it can make our expectations unrealistic. Many of us also have health issues that can make intimacy difficult.

Then the huge one for women.  BEING NAKED WITH A NEW MAN.

The alternative is not to have intimacy in our lives. Many of us me included don’t fancy that.   xxx CaroleL

If you would like me to cover any particular topic in this column please email me at:
sexaftersixtycolumn@gmail.com

Carole Lethbridge is the author of “Online Dating After Sixty: One woman’s journey of love, lust and losers”. She has been both married and single over the last few decades and she has done her own research, gathering extensive data on relationships between females and males, drawing on both for her book and column. Online Dating After Sixty is available for purchase for $21.50 via Booktopia.

online_dating_front_cover

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Sex After Sixty: Are you still having sex?

SAS COLUMN 2  

In my last column I outlined four groups that ‘Sex after Sixty’ issues relate to married women, married men, single women and single men. Within these groups there are people who still have sex and those that don’t.

I’ve asked eight people from these groups over 60 about their sex lives. The answers from the eight people interviewed, give an indication of what is happening in the bedrooms of the over 60s.

Group 1: Married women who are still sexually active

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active with your husband, do you enjoy sex with him? How often would you have sex with him? Are you having sex outside your marriage?

Woman 66: Yes my husband and I still have sex. I have to admit I don’t enjoy it as much as I did 15-20 years ago. We have sex every couple of weeks. I feel my husband is more interested in the act than me. I often lie there thinking of what my mother used to say, ‘Lay back and think of England’. The whole act usually takes about 3 minutes and he is virtually snoring when he rolls off. I lie there for hours wondering what happened to romance. I often have sex with him when I need him to do things around the house, or when I feel I’ve run out of excuses. No way on earth would I want to have sex with another. I couldn’t think of anything worse.

Group 1: Married women who are not sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active with your husband, can you tell me why? When did sex with him cease? Would you consider having sex outside your marriage?

Woman 64: He’s a selfish pig. He only thinks of himself and he’s not at all involved in the family. I can hardly stand the sight of him. Most of the time he just lies on the sofa with a can in his hand. Sex went out the window when I hit menopause. That was when I shut down. He had no understanding of what I went through. He just told me to get over it. He used to say, ‘Get over it or get out’. I told him I wasn’t going anywhere. He now sleeps in the spare room and he knows better than to try and touch me. I’ve wondered about how I would feel with another man, but after this one and at my age no way.

Group 2: Married men who are still sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active with your wife, do you enjoy sex with her? How often would you have sex with her? Are you having sex outside your marriage?

Man 68: Yes I still have sex with my wife but it’s getting more difficult now to find her in the right mood. Sex with her is still ok, although if I had a choice I’d rather have sex with the spunk next door. We have sex about once a month or so depending on her aches and pains. I’ve had affairs with other women over the years. I’m only human. Nowadays temptation is at every turn.

Group 2: Married men who are not sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active with your wife; can you tell me why? When did sexual activity with her cease? Would you consider having sex outside your marriage?

Man 69: She’s impossible, never let’s up on me. Negativity all the way, how I was ever attracted to her astounds me. I’ve given up, it’s not worth the hassle. It would be about ten years now since we had any contact. I don’t think I would have the confidence to wander. She’s almost convinced me I’d be no use to anyone. I’m out of shape and fairly heavy so I think that would be an issue as well.

Group 3: Single women who are still sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active; do you enjoy sex? How often would you have sex? Are you with a regular partner?

Woman 65: Yes I am, I enjoy sex. Although since my divorce I’ve realised that if you want to have interest from a man then not being sexually available isn’t an option. In a way I think this is why at my age I’m still sexually active. I would have sex as often as I have dates to be honest. I don’t have a regular partner. I have several men who I see. I seem to attract the guy who’s in town on business every now and again and in a way nowadays this suits me. I don’t think I could stand a man around 24/7.

Group 3: Single women who are not sexually active

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active; can you tell me why? When did sexual activity cease? Would you consider having sex in the future?

Woman 61: I’m sorry to say I don’t have a sex life. It’s because I have low self esteem especially since my husband traded me for a 35 year old from the Philippines six years ago. I’d put on a lot of weight during menopause and he starting calling me a fat slob. So I withdrew and that’s when the marriage started to turn sour. If I could get myself together and lose some weight, I may consider getting involved if anyone would have me.

Group 4: Single men who are still sexually active

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active; do you enjoy sex? How often would you have sex? Are you with a regular partner?

Man 65: I sure am sexually active – it’s great out there, lots of choices. I love sex – is the pope a Catholic!? I don’t get enough; it takes time and effort to get women into bed. Although, the older ones are much easier than the younger ones! I’m not with a regular partner. I’ve been married and divorced twice. Lost the kids, the house and the super. So not going there again. With the internet the supply is endless, so why buy when you can rent.

Group 4: Single men who are not sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active; can you tell me why? When did sexual activity cease? Would you consider having sex in the future?

Man 66: No I’m no longer interested in women. Women are too hard, and their expectations are unrealistic. I gave up on the opposite sex years ago. I used prostitutes for a while but decided to give them a miss as well. I don’t think I’ll ever be involved intimately with a woman again. My health is not wonderful now so I can’t see anyone decent wanting to take me on.

It would seem that there is conflict between the sexes at any age. The issues are just slightly different for the over 60s. Lack of romance, grudges from past events, lack of interest, aches and pains, temptation elsewhere, lack of fitness, weight issues, needing space, being traded for a younger model, multiple divorces, unrealistic expectations and of course health. For me, I’m now extremely happy that I have a small close family that love and respect me, and a select group of devoted friends who think I’m a clever, caring woman. If a suitable and honest man turns up every now and then that‘s a bonus. But having a regular partner no longer defines me. Anyway… What man fantasises about a fling with a 70 year old woman?

Carole L. xxx

If you would like me to cover any particular topic in this column please email me at:
sexaftersixtycolumn@gmail.com

online_dating_front_cover

Carole Lethbridge is the author of “Online Dating After Sixty: One woman’s journey of love, lust and losers”. She has been both married and single over the last few decades and she has done her own research, gathering extensive data on relationships between females and males, drawing on both for her book and column. Online Dating After Sixty is available for purchase for $21.50 via Booktopia.

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Sex After Sixty: The four types of people

Love-over-60-starts-at-sixty-170x105

This is my first column on ‘Sex after Sixty’ for the online community of Starts at Sixty. I write very honestly. Some may find my writing style a little confronting. I say it as I find it.  

There are four different and clear types of sex needs in the over 60s.  Let’s take a look and see if you agree:

Sex and the married woman – The married woman in her sixties either has remained sexually active with the hubby or has tuned out over the last decade or so. If she is still sexually active it’s because she still fancies having sex and likes her hubby, or maybe it’s because she can’t get out of having sex and she gives in because her relationship is still ok.

If the married woman has tuned out on sex it can be due to health reasons, but mainly it’s because the man is negative towards her. He may drink too much, he may “veg” in front of television and ignore her and never listen to anything she says. Therefore she cuts the sex off and he can just like it or lump it.

Sex and the married man – The married man in his sixties is mainly still interested in having sex at home. He may still be in love with his wife and if he is involved in the home and listens to her he usually is rewarded accordingly.
The married man who is not “getting any” at home has a myriad of options. Married men are on the internet in droves unbeknownst to the wife.

The married man not interested in sex is rare. It may be that he has just been rejected too many times and has given up.

Sex and the single woman – The single woman in her sixties has a much harder time of it. If she is still interested in being sexually active she needs to find an available, suitable man who is also still interested in having sex with a woman of his own age or older. She also is rarely invited out in mixed company as she is seen as a threat, especially if she is still looking good and has something to say.

She needs to keep it all together and make sure she looks great.

Many single men don’t fancy being involved with heavier women. In many cases a man in his sixties is still aspiring to pulling a forty-five year old. So for him to be attracted to women in his own age group she needs to care about her appearance. Of course it doesn’t matter if he has a huge beer gut and is out of control, he still sees himself with a aesthetically pleasing woman. He doesn’t do much fanaticising about having a fling with a seventy year old.

The single woman in her sixties who is not interested in sex is also not usually interested in having a man in her life. She knows that a man no matter what age would want some sort of sexual activity. In many cases she is heavier and does not have the same pressures about her appearance. This works in her favour as she is not seen as a threat and still often invited to mixed company activities.

Sex and the single man – The single man in his sixties has a myriad of women in all age groups to choose from. He is a rarity, as men in this age group are usually married, alcoholics, feral, gay or dead.

If he is in good shape and all the bits still work women are clamouring all over him. If he is still interested in an active sex life he is often looking for casual or no-strings sex and leaves a trail of broken hearts behind him.

If he is not interested in sex then it is usually due to health reason, or that he is too battered from past relationships and divorces. He may still be sociable and of course is still invited to mixed company activities.

As a single woman who is still interested in sex I have been involved seriously with two men in the last five years. I had little chance of meeting suitable, available men as I live in a remote area and work from a home office. So I went online and met them both on the internet.

The first one was two years older than me and I was besotted with him. The chemistry between us was amazing. Unfortunately he misrepresented himself as many of the men on the internet do. During the two years I was involved with him I was to discover that an older man is also not always able to perform in bed.

So I went a little younger. The next man was six years my junior. He was very different and didn’t misrepresent himself. His bits worked well but he didn’t have a romantic bone in his body. After about fifteen months of perseverance we called it a day and he rode off back into his previously boring life.

I remain optimistic that my next encounter with a man will have the chemistry I need and he will still be able to satisfy me sexually.

 *****************

 Carole Lethbridge is the author of “Online Dating After Sixty: One woman’s journey of love, lust and losers”. She has been both married and single over the last few decades and she has done her own research, gathering extensive data on relationships between females and males, drawing on both for her book and column. Online Dating After Sixty is available for purchase for $21.50 via Booktopia.

online_dating_front_cover

 

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